I think I've forgotten how to even start a blog post, let alone figure out my blogger template. It's just taken me twenty minutes to remember my sign in details. It's been a while. I haven't even opened this blog since I last posted in October of last year. I think in that blog I wrote that I was going to keep on blogging...hmmm, that went as well as my aim to blog everyday in October! In all honesty I had just had enough of blogging and everything that had come along with it.
I had completely lost sight of why I started blogging in the first place and instead got lost in everyone's Instagram and Twitter feeds. I over compared myself and began to wonder why I didn't have fresh flowers on my kitchen table every day instead of smeared porridge, why the only perfect flat lays I could manage would be a beautiful arrangement of my daughters dirty washing on her floor, and why I wasn't a successful mumprenueur like every other mum seems to be, starting up a brand new business, and a flawless social media all the while juggling four children. Sometimes I struggle to muster the energy to sing the wheels on the bus at playgroup. Some days, combing anyone's hair is enough of a mission, never mind selling handmade baby gro's. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
So I stopped blogging. Again. I deleted all social media from my account. I also deleted the Daily Mail app and it's dirty sidebar of celebrity gossip (I'm ashamed to admit that I just can't help myself with the celebrity gossip and that got reinstated. It's my horrible 1am feed habit and I think it will take some braking).
And yet here I am. I've missed my blog. I'm missed blogging about the bits of motherhood that aren't filtered, the strange things that happen to me, the joy of an ASOS haul, a new foundation I've found or the perfect dress to breastfeed in.
I'm afraid my blog looks a bit unloved and unused, so expect some changes when I can figure it all out again, and I really want to get back into it. I honestly thought I'd finished and I almost deleted the whole page, but being so close to quitting has made me realise I don't want to just yet.
I don't even know who will read this anymore as I feel my hiatus has been a long one, but it was one that I really needed. I would rather not blog at all than to blog insincerely. Being on the verge of completely shutting this page down has made me realise that writing is something I enjoy, and something I am actually OK at. I need to work at not comparing myself to others and stop clicking on frivolous celebrity gossip, and probably to stop filling up my ASOS basket, but hey, no-ones perfect.
There are many things I am not. Many things that Instagram shows me that I don't look like and that my house doesn't look like. Many things I'm not doing that Twitter tells me others are. But you know what, that's ok.
So hi, how are you?
It's good to be back.