As most of you know, I love a Google. From general knowledge trivia, a bit of history or geography, I'm on it and usually Googling it. My parenting is no different. Whilst I know that sometimes Google really isn't the answer, I still can't help myself. But sometimes, I stump Google. Sometimes, something so random happens, that when I type my usually complicated and unusual question into Google, it doesn't know the answer. In the whole of the internet's information I cannot find a single person who can advise me or share my experience. Today, I thought I'd share my actual Google questions that never got answered.
'Can llama spit enter breast-milk?'
This is probably the most random question I spent an hour Googling, and my research came back that no other person on this planet could answer my question and that I was the only person in history that this had happened to. I thus had to ride it out and hope that my daughter didn't start growing fur. If you are interested, we had been to a wildlife park, and one particular llama took an instant dislike to me and managed to spit in, not only my eye but also my mouth. I was breastfeeding my daughter at the time (not at the time of the attack, but just generally) and I was terrified of transferring any llama diseases to my 8 month old daughter. You will be pleased to know that she is now four years old and safe and well.
'How much egg mixture is too much?'
The old questions came thick and fast during my pregnancy, and one afternoon whilst baking with my eldest daughter, I couldn't help myself from sharing a lick of the bowl of our uncooked cake mixture. Things were going well until I realised I'd eaten raw egg, something I'd been told never to do in pregnancy. After repeated Googling, I could not find one other person who had licked the egg from a bowl and lived to document it on the internet. No-one could say for sure if I was about to drop down dead from listeria. Whilst I felt a trip to A&E might have been a tad OTT, I did spend the rest of the day feeling like I could collapse at any given moment. I just needed to hear that a few spoonfuls (maybe 5 or 6) would be OK.
'I reversed into a wall when pregnant'
I was having a very bad day when I managed to reverse into our front house wall when I was around 7 months pregnant. I had my seat belt on and was only going about 2 miles per hour, but that didn't stop me Googling away. However, all Google threw at me were car accident results and horror stories about premature labour. I did think they would laugh at me if I just turned up at A&E. Not one other person on the internet had reversed into their garage wall and lived to tell the tell the tale. Cue another day of thinking I was going to drop dead at any given time. I didn't by the way.
'What happens if my baby licks the detergent ball?'
I can honestly say I spent a good hour researching this beauty. I have to add my daughter didn't drink any washing machine detergent, but only licked the empty washing machine dispenser ball. My concern was if there were any remnants on the ball. I mean you see the big warning signs everywhere of the dangers of washing detergent don't you? No-one could give me any reassurance on the matter, and all I could find were horror stories of childhood ingestion and the percentage of deaths worldwide from ingestion poisoning. Nothing answered my daughter's lick ingestion of what was probably an empty ball.
'When will my baby sleep?'
Oh the jokes. I can vividly remember this question being my most searched question in the early months of LL's life. NOT ONE single person could give me the answer. Deep down I knew that LL would sleep when she wanted to sleep, but I couldn't help but torture myself with loitering in internet chat rooms with parents of babies who slept through the night from day one (yeah right) to those unfortunate souls who still had a nocturnal six year old. FYI, she still doesn't sleep through the night.
'I stole a carrier bag'
This is a bit of a confession, but one that NO-ONE else seems to have ever done. Last week at Tesco, I went to the self service checkout and needed a carrier bag, which in the UK you have to pay 5p for. I put all my shopping through, paid, and then as I got my receipt, I remembered I hadn't paid for the carrier bag. I tried to go back and put the bag through, but I couldn't do it, I was stressed and LL was whinging, so I thought I'd leave it and just go. On my WAY OUT, a cashier followed me and asked me if I'd paid for the bag, to which I replied I hadn't, and so I had to go back and pay 5p on my debit card. To say I was mortified would be understatement. I haven't dared return to the shop since as I fear the cashier thinks I'm a shoplifter, and to make matters worse I can not find one single other human that this has happened too. This obviously means I am the worse person in the world and also means I'm a pretty crap shoplifter too. Thanks Google. Thanks alot.